When I Win the Lottery (Camper Van Beethoven cover)

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I finally got to see Camper Van Beethoven at the Winnipeg Folk Festival this summer. Their songwriting has always been inventive and wryly dark, and this song (from 1989’s Key Lime Pie) embodies a lot of both attributes.

When I Win the Lottery
Well I lost an eye in Mexico / Lost two teeth where I don't know
People see me comin' and they move to the other side of the road
I robbed a liquor store or two / Made myself at home a few times
Borrowed myself a car when I needed it

I got me a shack at the bottom of the road, fixin' cars and givin' tows.
Spend all my money on the lottery.
When I win the lottery gonna buy all girls on my block
a color tv and a bottle of french perfume
When I win the lottery gonna donate half my money to the city
So they have to name a street or a school or a park after me. When I win the lottery.

Never run a flag up a pole like Mr. Red, White, and Blue down the road.
But I never called myself a hero for killing a known communist
Now I can walk into any old bar, find a fight without looking too hard,
But I never killed someone I don't know just 'cause someone told me to

And when I win the lottery, gonna buy the house next to Mr. Red, White and Blue.
And when I win the lottery, gonna buy post 306 American Legion, paint it red with five gold stars.
When I win the lottery.

When the end comes to this old world the righteous will cry and the rest will curl up,
And God won't take the time to sort your ashes from mine.
Cause we zig and zag between good and bad, stumble and fall on right and wrong
And the tumbling dice and the luck of the draw just leads us on.

And when I win the lottery, gonna buy all the girls on my block silver-plated six shooters
and a quart of the finest highland scotch.
Cause when I win the lottery, the righteous will shake their heads and say that
God is good but surely works in mysterious ways.
When I win the lottery.